 |
|
Articles > Articles by JellyMom > Parents Say The Darndest Things
©Lisa Barker
Due to the terrific response to the recent “Mommisms” column, I’ve put together some more things parents say to their children. You just never hear kid-free adults say such things, which I think further proves that pets are NOT like kids. How many sound familiar to you?
At Christmastime:
Don't let the cat sit on Baby Jesus' face!
I promise! Santa will not get stuck in the chimney.
I think I hear a reindeer, too!
At the dinner table:
Did you wash first? With soap?
Please don’t spear your meat like that and eat like it’s a lollipop.
That is not a tiny tree. Now eat your broccoli.
Thank you for showing us all what you are eating.
We don't dip our cars in our ice cream.
At bedtime:
Did you brush your teeth? With toothpaste?
Did you say 'good night' to your monkey?
Now I lay me down to sleep…I said, lay down to sleep!
In Church:
No one wants to see you scoot around like you have ants in your pants.
They didn’t quite hear you burp in the choir loft.
No, we can’t go get a cheeseburger now.
Let’s not see what kind of echo we can make.
At the store:
We all want something. I want a little peace and quiet, but I’m not getting that, am I?
Please put your hands on your tummy; you can look all you want, but don’t touch!
I guess good behavior isn’t on sale today, is it?
In the car:
Please keep your tongue off the window. (Okay, maybe this one.)
Please don’t stuff French fries in the seat folds.
No crayons up the nose, please!
In the house on a rainy day:
There will be no more touching anybody!
Stop breathing on him.
Stop looking at him.
Around the house on a sunny day:
Frogs don’t belong in hampers.
Don’t even think of shaving the cat.
Mud pies don’t need baking in my oven!
In an elevator:
The red button does not make us go faster.
At the bank:
Stop singing and dancing, it’s just a security camera.
No they aren’t giving out samples.
At the doctor’s office (to older child):
Stop scaring the little kids. I don’t see why you can’t get a shot, too.
While get the oil changed in the car:
Yes, if the horn beeped now it would scare him.
Where did your brother go? (Beep!)
Regarding pets:
Cats don’t need after dinner mints.
Who put a t-shirt on the dog?
Who gave the dog a haircut?!
Conversation with self:
Why do I even bother asking?
I don’t know.
When did I start talking to myself and hearing answers?
About ten minutes after the first child started walking and talking.
Oh. Thanks.
You’re welcome.
=================================
Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker, mother of five and author of "Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane...Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad Parent!" and is syndicated through Martin-Ola Press/Parent To Parent. To publish Jelly Mom, buy the book or leave comments, please visit http://www.jellymom.com. Sign up for the free Jelly Mom™ weekly newsletter and receive a BONUS GIFT!
|
